In The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway, Bill asks, “How did you go bankrupt?” “Two ways,” Mike said. “Gradually and then suddenly.”
The patterns of my mental health struggles mirror this almost exactly. I know when things are bad and headed toward worse. I also know if I don’t act it’s going to catch up with me. Often I chose to ignore the warning signs and keep slogging ahead like I’ve gained superpowers since the last time. Unfortunately for me, I’m still the same person executing the same bad habits, and when I pile on that last bit of distress the whole elaborate contraption comes crashing down. What a surprise! (That’s sarcasm. It’s not really a surprise.) It happened again.
The human body is an amazing thing. I’ve made great strides in the last eight years since I had my ECT. Mentally I feel the healthiest I have ever been. I am enjoying life more and I’m more confident in my abilities to communicate publicly and interact with others. I love this about my life now, but it doesn’t make me immune to difficulty and stress. The body always finds a way to let you know something isn’t right.
Activity in this Past Year
In the past 12 months, I’ve battled a difficult home life while my son struggled with trouble at school and gender expression, my father became ill and has been battling with recovery, work presented new challenges with both those I lead and colleagues, and I broke a bone in my foot and bruised my ribs after a fall. At the same time, I started regular publishing on Mental Healthy, became an adjunct instructor for California State University, began building out my website mentalhealthy.net, started doing more public speaking, and took a very intensive class to become a peer support specialist in California. It’s been a very busy 12 months.
I thought I was doing well; I enjoy being busy and didn’t feel overwhelmed. Maybe some fatigue, headaches and feeling like I was getting a cold, but nothing serious. Then more physical symptoms surfaced. Apologies for the TMI, but I began having a lot of digestive issues. I was bloating constantly, even after only drinking water. Pain from cramps and distension occurred daily. The bloating and other gastrointestinal issues made me suspect IBS. I started an elimination diet and took a food sensitivity test to check for allergic reactions – I was only mildly reactive to some foods on the list; nothing significant. I saw my doctor and entered a six-month phase of testing and referrals to specialists. And after every test, scan and procedure, everything came back the same… no abnormalities.
I landed in a gray area of being happy nothing is seriously wrong while also being seriously disappointed I had no answers… and was still suffering.
And I STILL didn’t make the connection.
What can I say, I’m a little slow sometimes. 😊 In my defense, this is the first time I remember having stress manifest like this physically, so I was caught off guard.
Abdominal Anxiety
When something very stressful happens, do you feel it in your stomach?
Oh man, do I ever! It sometimes feels like I’ve been punched in the gut. It’s a ball of tension. Maybe I’ll be nauseous. Maybe I’ll be running to the bathroom. It can vary depending on the situation, but I immediately feel that tension in my abdomen.
I’ve since learned (thank you, Google) about the gut-brain axis. There are more than 100 million nerve cells lining your gastrointestinal tract and biochemical signaling takes place between it and the central nervous system. For those of us feeling that gut punch when we get bad news, it might be enlightening to learn there is a connection between the two systems. While I’ve been feeling the effects for years, the significance hadn’t quite clicked for me before.
I’ve built up mental resiliency over the years, but that doesn’t make me immune to stress. It still must be dealt with and physical symptoms can indeed occur from mental stress. Our bodies can only store up so much before the alarm goes off. Twenty years ago, those stresses manifested as deep, depressive episodes. Things are different now, but the rules haven’t changed… we need to keep taking care of ourselves, proactively addressing the stress in our lives before it takes a toll on us mentally and physically.
So here are my takeaways for today…
Do not ignore self-care
I really believe you know when you need it, but if you tend to ignore it, have a friend or close family member be on the lookout for dismissive language (“Oh, I’m fine” and “No, I don’t need anything” and “There’s nothing wrong”). Let this be an early warning system. If they mention they’ve been hearing it, take a good hard look and see if something needs to be addressed. Then schedule time with yourself to put some self-care into action.
Remember emotional stress can absolutely cause physical symptoms
Your doctor should be your first stop when any troubling physical issues arise. You owe it to yourself to have a comprehensive examination and talk with the experts. If you find yourself in my situation, where everything is coming back normal, the next conversation with your doctor should include a talk about a mind-body connection. See what treatment options are available.
Don’t fall prey to stigmatizing talk about your condition
Anyone telling you “See? It’s all in your head” is being dismissive of what is still a medical issue. Chronic stomach pain from stress is as legitimate as stomach pain from an ulcer; they just have different treatment plans. You deserve to be healthy and pain free. Don’t let others minimize your physical symptoms.
Take responsibility for improving your health
Resolving physical symptoms from an emotional issue will require work from you. Maybe you’ll need a regular exercise plan, meditation, acupuncture, therapy, medication, more social exposure, journaling, or new hobbies to relieve stress. Whatever the form of stress relief, commit to regular practice to improve your current situation. You need to take care of you.
It’s on me now to put plans into action to improve my own physical symptoms. The feelings I have about that are a bit of a mixed bag. It can be upsetting to learn emotional stresses are the cause of physical pain and discomfort, so be prepared to do some reframing. At least you know your body is otherwise physically healthy, and addressing your emotional stress will have at least two positive impacts… both your body and mind will benefit. Above all else, do not be embarrassed. I still am awed by the human body and its ability to say when something isn’t right. I’m thankful for it, despite the discomfort. I can address the source and affect positive change.
It can get better.
We can improve.