I broke a bone in my foot in July, so I’ve been spending a lot of time on the couch. As you would expect, binge watching TV is part of the equation; I’m re-watching the series Hannibal which is based on the characters of Thomas Harris’ book Red Dragon(1981). In one of the last episodes of season one, Hannibal says to Will Graham, “There’s nothing more isolating than mental illness.”
I can see the truth in this. Often withdrawing into myself, I forego social interaction when in a depressive episode. I’m not alone in that behavior and I’ve been very curious about why this is. Why do we isolate? Logically we know sharing our struggles – reaching out to others in any capacity – is beneficial. I’m willing to bet we’d give this advice to any friend or family member in the same situation. So then why would we ignore our own advice?
Cats and Dogs
My husband and I have been married 25 years this September; we’ve owned eight dogs and one cat. Animals too will isolate when something is wrong. I did a little research to better understand the behavior and came across a June 8, 2022, article by Betsy Emery for Glove Cities Veterinary Hospital. See if the following passages sound familiar:
“In the wilderness, showing weakness is a death sentence, so animals hide signs of injury and pain and conceal symptoms of illness. While your dog or cat may have never experienced the wilderness first-hand, their instincts still direct them to hide discomfort from potential predators. In fact, they may even hide themselves in a location where they feel safe and protected.”
“Chronic pain takes a toll on sleep and appetite, which further deteriorates pet health. The stress of untreated pain in dogs and cats also triggers a continual flood of stress-related hormones. While short-term stress can help animals adapt, the regular release of hormones associated with chronic stress from pain can be hazardous. As hormones wash through the body over and over, they impact every system, from neurological to cardiovascular.”
“Your pet’s natural tendency to hide pain and discomfort can also become an obstacle to life-saving treatments.”
Responding to Threats
Now we may not be isolating ourselves to hide from predators, but I do believe we are hiding from other threats. With mental illness, a form these threats often comes by way of stigmatizing views, beliefs, actions, and speech. In a weakened mental state, these stigmas become internalized into self-stigma; we are “attacked” from the outside and from within. Wouldn’t it be natural to want to isolate to a safe area and refuse interaction with others, even if it means not receiving treatment to lessen the effects? So we stay home, or stay in bed… anywhere that gives us even a glimmer of safety and comfort.
Counteract Isolation
My favorite recommendation to counteract isolation is group therapy. Group therapy is a positive mental health trifecta: access to a therapist, social interaction, and peer support. It is an especially good option for reducing self-stigma as it puts you with people facing the same issues. This helps dispel the belief no one can understand what you are going through. For the first time, I was able to see my issues from the outside, as an observer. There is something enormously powerful about hearing someone share their frustrations and struggles when you possess them as well. In group, I felt for the first time that I wasn’t alone.
Physical and Mental Isolation
In looking at my own experiences, I was my own obstacle when it came to wanting to isolate instead of seeking help. I was so deeply intrenched in self-stigma I believed my illness made me unworthy of support. I felt I would never get any better because the task was too big. So then what’s the point of trying? If I hid myself away long enough, people would forget about me and I’d just fade out of existence. I didn’t want anyone wasting their time on me.
I had imagined the lives of those I loved were better and happier without having to deal with my issues. I heard a lot of “you need to do this” and “you wouldn’t be so depressed if you only did that,” all of which never had any impact on me. It wasn’t until those I loved explained how much pain they were experiencing seeing me like this that I finally took notice. It wasn’t just physical isolation; I was mentally isolating as well. I was hyper-fixated on my own pain. In my self-destructive spirals, I stopped caring about everyone else. And part of overcoming that physical isolation, was opening myself back up to other people and, finally, letting them help me.
Talk to Me
As I wrote last month, sometimes the biggest challenge is starting the conversation. There is a wonderful website called Seize The Awkward (www.seizetheawkward.org) with tips for starting and continuing conversations. Dispel any notions that you must find the perfect thing to say or you need the knowledge of a therapist. Focus instead on showing up and being a source of support. Tell your loved ones how you are being impacted and what you are feeling. Then, turn the conversation over to them. Tell them to talk when they’re ready; be patient and be present.
I hope this has helped you understand some reasons for why we may isolate ourselves and learned some tips to counteract that isolation.
Thanks so much for reading.
As always, please keep in mind I’m still very much a student of my own condition. I’m happy to share what has worked for me and the journey that got me there. Please reach out to your own support team as you start or continue your journey as well.
If you are in need of mental health resources, please consider reaching out to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI.org). On the website, you can find local resources and groups. You can also dial 988 in the United States for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Lastly, you can reach the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741.